Spring is in the air!

So there are a few piles of snow still on the ground, mostly where the plows have pushed them. It is actually rather nice outside. I sat outside for a few minutes shortly after I woke up this morning. I would love to open a window or two, except they aren’t easy to access, and they tend to be difficult to open.

My husband texted me to ask how I was feeling today. I mistyped that I “feel like oj” to which he asked if I felt like killing people. Haha! I told him I felt more like a retired washed up pro football player! I’m not actually in pain pain, but that’s because most everything feels numb.

I feel still and my head feels annoyed (huge improvement over migraines!), and I feel stiff. My hands and feet feel like blocks of ice. Although I’ve had that most of my life. “Cold hands, warm heart” To which I’m sure my dog and husband would completely disagree and say I’m rather sadistic when I put my ice cold feet and hands on them in the middle of the night!

My big project I want to get done today…I want to get the ornaments off the Christmas tree. Yes, it’s still up. But I’m the only one that does more than the bare minimum around the house. So far, I’ve looked at it…that’s exhausting. Trying to figure out and plan the best, fastest and least physically draining way to get all the ornaments off. It took me three days to decorate the stupid thing. I wanted a nice Christmas, that turned in to Valentines Day, soon to be St. Patrick’s Day, and Easter….an Easter tree! I could swing it, most of the ornaments are religious anyways!

Well, I’m off to kill the barking dog (not really) although I wish I could just throw something at him so he would stop!

I HATE MONDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Chance For Hope

Anyone that struggles with a daily battle against Mental Illness or Chronic Pain knows how easy it is to lose sight of the long run. Giving up hope is one of the easiest things you can do. You get stuck in your head with all the negativity. I will be the first one to admit, this happens a lot to me. Which is totally uncharacteristic of me.

I’ve gotten through so much hard stuff in life because I have had hope. So now, for me to lose sight of that hope, is a bitter pill to swallow. I’ve been taking some rather bitter pills lately.

But the other night, as I was laying in bed, I let my mind wander, as I so often do. And it hit me: I keep forgetting the little things! So these are some of my favorite things about stuff I don’t like.

During a heavy winter snowfall, in the middle of the night, curling up with a mug of tea and warm blankets. Just sitting in silence watching the heavy snowflakes blanket everything. And even thought it is the middle of the night, there still seems to be a glow from the snow. And IF I’m willing to brave the cold and go stand outside, it isn’t quite silent. Listen, you can actually hear the ice crystals hitting each other as they hit the ground.

In the spring, while it is still slightly chilly outside, before the late afternoon sun warms the earth too much. Digging in the ground to work on my garden. Getting the dirt under my fingernails, knowing that I will have beautiful flowers to look at in just a few months.

In the summer, when the heat is so oppressive you can hardly seem to breathe, in the early pre-dawn hours, sitting on the porch just watching and listening. The sky turns from inky dark blue, to a dusty purple, then a bright orange sunrise. You start in almost near silence, but as the sky becomes lighter, you can hear all the birds and animals waking up, calling to each other in a simple greeting of hello.

In the fall, well almost any time. Fall is my FAVORITE SEASON EVER! I love that it can be warm during the day, but it cools down at night making for great sleeping weather. I also love the rain. I know this can be a trigger for some people, but I always love rain. Hearing its drum beat staccato on the roof as it falls to earth. The sharp report of thunder after the bolts of lightening that seem to light up the earth like the surface of the sun. The falling leaves, the slight chill in the air. The harvest. I love fall.

My puppy as he wiggles in excitement because I woke up, or because I come home. Knowing that someone missed me, even for that short amount of time. That’s pretty powerful.

And lastly, my husband walking up behind me and hugging me. Often for no reason at all. I love it!

So these are just some of the things that allow me to believe there is a chance for hope. Things beyond my control, that always seem to lift my spirits and calm me, no matter what.