Into the unknown

Well, in just 30 more minutes I will be going into the hospital. Now, I’m not currently ill (well not any more than usual), but I’m going in for Pain Management. Not pain control, but MANAGEMENT. For my migraines. Taking drugs to help prevent them no longer works. Not that they ever really did.

So I am scared. I am pretty sure they won’t be loading me up on narcotics. Which I don’t want. I know how easy it is to become addicted. I grew up with addicts in my family. So I won’t go there. I’ve turned down methadone for pain control in the past. So I can handle pain.

I’m scared because this is a last resort. Nothing else works. I can’t live with the debilitating week long migraines, or even just having headaches every day. It’s no way to live. I’ve gone from being this outgoing vivacious, fun person, to someone who hardly leaves the house these days. It’s not fun!

Well, wish me luck guys! I hope something can be figured out!


The ONE thing I never wanted to hear from a doctor…

…you need to go to the pain clinic. But we’ll get back to that!

I had to drive down to Ann Arbor today. I finally had my appointment at The University of Michigan Hospital with Neurology. This is after two stays there with Thorazine. The last time was a drip overnight. I was told that it’s really painful. I was finally asleep, so I don’t know!

Now, I lived in Ann Arbor for awhile. My ex, Jay,  did undergrad and med school at U of M. So I’m sort of familiar with the town, and WAY too familiar with the hospital! I used to stay right across the street about a block down the same road the hospital is on. Now, if you have never been to Ann Arbor, count yourself lucky! No, it’s not because first I’m a Notre Dame fan, and secondly I’m a Spartan (GO GREEN! GO WHITE! MICHIGAN STATE BABY!!!!), but it’s because the roads are TERRIBLE! The campus is all split up through out the town, and there are one way streets everywhere! And we are talking you can only go one way, the same way for like three streets! Now, I’ve gotten lost and turned around more times than I care to remember in Ann Arbor. I’ve even stopped at the police department to try to get to where I need to go. And when I get confused driving, I panic! Jay can tell you…full hysterics, freak out!

Today, I get into downtown, going down E. Huron St. You need to turn Left onto Fuller which runs perpendicular to Maiden Lane (Jay’s old town house)/Medical Center, (Fuller is where the road changes names) which is the road that goes around the hospital. Well, because of traffic and an accident, I couldn’t turn on Fuller, so I veered right on Huron (it actually changes names, but I don’t know it). The next light is Geddes Rd. I turned left down Geddes, because I knew somewhere it turns into Fuller (somehow). So I’m going down Geddes and it turns into full out super rich people residential (I think I passed the Governor’s house). I’m way out in the country by this point. But I didn’t panic! Well, Geddes has an “on ramp” for Huron Parkway. So I take it (you have to). I turn Right onto Huron Pkwy, still calm. Well, about a half mile down the road, there is a sign Fuller (left) Geddes Rd (right). I KNEW GEDDES TURNED INTO FULLER!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I turned left, went back through the country into town, and a few miles later…Medical Center/Maiden Lane! I DID IT!!!! Not one second of panic! Oh, Jay would be proud!

Well, I get into Neurology, get my vitals taken, wait a tad bit. Finally I get called back to a room. Now, at the U, the doctor you are seeing comes out and gets you. So I have the head of neurology. Cool! So we are talking, going over my history, he read my hospital notes. And he asks, “what is it that you want me to do for you?” My answer, “I want to not have headaches or migraines, or at least not as often nor as severe.”

Long story short, I’ve been on everything you can be on to prevent them. I even give myself shots at home of the same medicine you get in the ER when you go in with a migraine, to keep me out of the ER’s as much. So if I go in for a migraine, it’s bad! I’m on a couple of meds now to help with migraines, but they also help with my SVT.

And he utters the words, “You need to go to a pain clinic.” I know my face fell! He follows it up with, “I know you’ve come to this conclusion, you just needed to hear it from someone else.” He goes on to tell me that he could just start pulling drugs off the shelf and start putting me on them, but that we both know, it’s not going to work. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 16, almost 20 years now. He knows that 10 years ago the idea of going in and actually removing the calcified plate I have between the layers of my brain was thrown out there, but he agreed, it probably wouldn’t do much to help.

He actually made me very comfortable! He acknowledged the fact that I have the education and have held the licensure so that I know what I’m talking about. Not only as a patient, but as a practitioner. He told me that I’m “high strung, smart as hell, well educated, you know medicine cold, active to the point of being over active” and even said he’s pretty sure that the reason the neurologist from Michigan State University that I used to see that threatened me with “blindness” if I didn’t come back and see him and insisted on continuing my care with U of M neuro, was because I intimidated him with my brains! Oh yeah baby! Wouldn’t be the first time!

The whole reason I even went to U of M, is the first bad bad migraine I had, when MSU dropped the ball, I called Jay and asked him what to do because I was in so much pain I couldn’t even think straight! He was the one that told me to go to U of M! So thank you Jay! (I can’t call him Doctor…it makes me laugh!)

Well, the reason I need to go to the pain clinic is that they can do coordinated care for my migraines. And I need medical and non medical treatment. I will be seeing an anesthesiologist, I will be getting eastern and western medical treatments. So I need to call around and figure out which pain clinic I want to go to. And I’m hoping that this will wok. I have pretty good hopes for it!

Oh, the best part! I almost forgot! The doctor was doing a neuro exam, and I guess the first time they gave me the Thorazine I was singing, and they noted that I’m pretty good. He had me close my eyes, switch back and forth what foot I was standing on and sing whatever song was in my head. So I belted “Dreams” by The Cranberries. The staff was standing outside the door and they clapped when I was done! Oh I was laughing! I haven’t sung for an audience since I was asked to sing last winter for a group! It felt great!!!!!!!! I think I might go to karaoke this weekend for fun!